Perfect Strangers Save Mypos
by 30SomethingDerpWomanErica
Summary: The Bartokomouses and Appletons meet Robespierre's girlfriend, Meredith, and asks if she can come to the Bartokomous Familiy Reunion and Jamboriki on Mypos and Balki approves, but when they arrive to Mypos, bad things have happened: a coup d'etat has ousted the queen of the newly formed United Mediterranean Kingdom of Mypos, Pathos, and Skeptos. Can Balki and his family save Mypos?
1. Chapter 1: Meet the Parents

_Chapter One: Meet the Parents_

_Chicago, Illinois, April 26, 2019_

A red Fiat 500 pulled up to a nice Victorian style home, then two people came out of the car, the passenger, a tall, curvaceous young woman in her mid twenties with long, raven black hair and rare violet eyes like Elizabeth Taylor's wearing a pink maxidress and matching flowered sandals and thick black-framed glasses, and the driver, a man about the same height and age as the woman with light brown hair in a short, stylish cut, hazel eyes that looked green in the sunlight, and a well trimmed beard wearing a pale blue shirt with a woolen vest over it, black trousers, and a pair of shiny black shoes.

"You nervous, Meredith?" the man asked the woman.

"A little. I really hope your parents and your cousins like me, Robbie." the woman, Meredith responded.

Hand in hand, they went up the walkway to the door.

Inside the house

The doorbell rang and three men, two of them around their late fifties or early sixties, one slightly short with thin lips, balding and greying brown hair, green eyes, a powder blue dress shirt with a royal blue tie, a pair of navy blue slacks, and a pair of black dress shoes, the other, taller than the other, with black hair peppered with grey and hazel eyes, wearing a black embroidered shirt, a pair of black dress pants, and a pair of slip-on dress shoes, and the other in their mid twenties, with curly blond hair, green eyes, and wearing a grey dress shirt, charcoal colored dress pants, and dark pewter grey dress shoes were scrambling to straighten things up in the house.

"I'll get it!" the young man said, racing to the door, before running into the end table.

"OW!" he yelled as he rubbed his knee.

A young Asian girl with black hair in a short bob, brown eyes, a red tank top, denim capri pants, and flowered sandals came into the room and said,"Tucker, you've always been a klutz. I'll get it."

She opened the door and revealed a man and woman.

"Li, it's good to see you again!" the man said.

"Good to see you, too, Robbie, and this must be Meredith." Li shook Meredith's hand.

"Yes, I'm Meredith Metaxas, and you must be Robbie's adopted cousin, Li Appleton."

"Yeah, that's me, Li Qiao Appleton. That dingbat over there rubbing his knee is my goofy brother Tucker, and over there is my dad, Larry, and my cousin, Balki Bartokomous, Robbie's dad."

With joy on his face, Balki walked over to Robbie and Meredith and said,"Ah, it's my little boochi, Robespierre, oh, and you were right. Meredith is absolutely rodient!"

"That's "radiant", dad." Robbie laughed.

"Awwww, what a cute accent. Sounds Greek or Macedonian to me." Meredith smiled as she shook Balki's hand, only for him to hug her tightly.

"No, I'm Myposian."

Meredith's eyes widened and she said,"No way! My dad's Myposian, too, Ajax Metaxas. My dad came here from Mypos so he could marry my mom, Barbara Jean, then we ended up moving to Mypos as the UN Ambassador for the newly formed United Mediterranean Kingdom of Mypos, Pathos, and Skeptos in 2003 and dad became the American ambassador to the islands."

"So, where's Mom and Jennifer, Dad?" Robbie asked Balki.

Before Balki could speak, Robbie's mother and Balki's wife, Mary Anne, who still looked the same as ever, only with slight silvery grey in her hair color palatte, a pale blue dress, and a pair of matching blue kitten-heel shoes came into the room,"Ohhhh, my baby's home! Is this Meredith?"

"Yeah, and you must be Robbie's mom. He said that you are the most beautiful mom ever." Meredith shook Mary Anne's hand.

"Awwwww! I do try!" Mary Anne giggled.

"So where's Stephanie?" Robbie asked his mother.

"In here, Boinki!" Stephanie called from the kitchen where she and Jennifer were

Stephanie, wearing a red shirt, a pair of black jeans, a studded belt, black boots, an apron covering her clothes with "Hard Rock Cafe" on it, and with blood red dyed hair, a pierced labrum, and "dahlia bites" lip piercings came out with a tray of pastries in her hands.

"Ugh! Stop calling me Boinki! What if I started calling you the Lesbo Goth?"

Oh, that's the best you can come up with, Robbie? It's not like it's a secret that I'm a lesbian and a goth."

"Hey, hey, go back to your corners!" Tucker said, still limping from his trip, and Stephanie shot him a death glare.

"Oh, that smells so good, like..." Meredith sniffed again,"Bibibabkas?"

Stephanie then said,"Yeah, I helped Dad and Uncle Larry make them. I swear, Dad is so silly singing that "Bibibabka Ditty". He said he had to sing it to make sure we made them right so..."

"The bibi in the babka doesn't go boom. I had a similar incident with bibibabkas back in high school. Dad helped me make them and kept singing the "Bibibabka Ditty", then my old neighbor back in North Carolina yelled,"Ya'll quit sangin' that weird immigrant gibberish! This is 'Murica!", so in our haste to keep that crotchety old man quiet, we did it too quickly, and when we finished them, BOOM! Dad and I

got a torrent of creme from 32 exploding bibibabkas in our faces. It was probably the happiest memory of my dad..."Meredith looked sadly.

"You ok, Meredith?" Stephanie said.

"Yeah, I was thinking about my dad. Both he and my mom passed away 2 years ago today. It's weird, you know, I never found out how they died, but I know they did when we left Mypos to come back originally to Washington, DC."

"Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry." Mary Anne looked sadly at Meredith.

"Ok, dinner's on!" Jennifer called from the kitchen.

While everyone was eating the nice dinner prepared by Jennifer, Mary Anne, Balki, and Stephanie, Robbie spoke up,"Oh, I was wondering, since we're all going back to Mypos next month for the annual Bartokomous family reunion and Jamboriki, is it ok to bring Meredith with us?"

Instantly, he closed his eyes, waiting to be shot down by either Balki or Mary Anne.

"Well of course she can, don't be ridiculous!" Balki said with a smile,"She's already half-Myposian, which already makes her family, so of course, Meredith can come."

"Oh, thank you greatly, Mister Bartokomous!" Meredith's southern accent came out strongly,"By the way, who made this lovely ding ding machmud? I haven't had this in years."

"Why that would be my awesome dad." Robbie said,"If there's one thing my dad loves to make, it's ding ding machmud...and snout puffs...and bibibabkas...and sooki-mooki-ping-pow...in other words, pretty much any Myposian cuisine possible."

"This is so great. I worried so much that I would be hated and ostracized by people. It happened to me when I met my last boyfriend's parents. They ended up being huge xenophobes and called me horrible names like..."she lowered her voice,"...half-breed and goat-fu..."

"Oh my goodness!" Mary Anne looked genuinely shocked at the gall of the xenophobic family.

"Yeah. Come to find out, they were involved in..."she lowered her voice again,"...bad things, as in..." she gulped, then said,"...white nationalism, white supremacy, the Alt-Right."

"What?" Balki looked confused.

"Racism, immigrant hate, and extreme right wing politics."

"Oh, that..."


	2. Chapter 2: Arriving at Mypos

_Chapter Two: Arriving at Mypos_

_Chicago-O'Hare Airport, May 17, 2019_

Both the Bartokomous family and the Appleton family entered the plane to fly from Chicago to Athens, with Meredith sitting between Robbie and Balki. Just as everyone got in their seats, a heavy-set woman with a short, blonde asymmetrical bob, flashy tortoise shell sunglasses, and a huge giraffe-print designer purse waddled up to Robbie and Meredith, with her timid, shy little boy behind her.

"Good morning, may I help you?" Meredith smiled kindly, but the woman was having none of her kindness.

"A-HEM! I believe YOU have MY seat!" the woman said in a snooty voice.

"You sure about that, ma'am?" Robbie said, looking at his ticket.

The woman lets out a very exaggerated gasp and says,"THAT'S MY TICKET! YOU STOLE IT, YOU MILLENIAL RUFFIAN!"

"But mama, we have tickets..." the little boy said meekly.

"Quiet, mama's busy!" the woman snapped.

Balki then turns to the lady and says,"What seems to be wrong?"

The woman's face turns to one of utter disgust and says,"Nothing for you IMMIGRANTS to worry about. Hopefully, this is a one-way trip and they'll keep you overseas!"

Meredith's face turned red with rage, but Balki said,"Is ok, Meredith. I handle this," and turns to the woman,"Look, I know you think I'm an immigrant, but as of 1991, I'm a naturalized American."

The woman screams in a shrill voice,"AND THIS IMMIGRANT IS TRYING TO STEAL MY BABY!"

The flight attendant walked over to the woman and Balki and said,"What is going on...oh, you. How did you get past the ban?"

The woman smirked and looked at Balki, then said,"Yeah, immigrant, you must be one of those Muslims. Our great president, Donald Trump banned you terrorists for a reason!"

"Ms Smith, I'm not referring to this man, I'm referring to you. I thougt you were banned from flying with us for a stunt you pulled last time?!"

"BUT I DESERVE IT! I DESERVE TO FLY HERE! I DESERVE TO FLY TO ITALY!"

"Ma'am, this is going to Athens, Greece, not Italy."

The woman began to argue, but then looked at her plane ticket to see that the flight wasn't the one she was on and she took her child, ran off, and headed off the plane.

"Jeez, lady, ya think you could say "I'm sorry"?! Lord have mercy on my soul!" Meredith's accent was extremely strong.

After the last of the people entered the plane and the pilot and flight attendants went over all the safety protocols, the plane took off to Athens.

"Oh, good news, my uncle is going to meet us in Athens when we get there." Meredith said happily.

"I might know your uncle, Meredith, who is he?" Balki said.

"His name is Zoltan. Zoltan Botulitis. He married my aunt Elena, my dad's little sister."

"Oh, I do know Zoltan. Perhaps you hear of the feud between the Bartokomouses and the Botulitises? It lasted 500 years until it ended when I kuzotskied with Zoltan."

"And I almost lost my ears." Larry added.

"Kuzotski, huh? Uncle Zoltan taught me how to handle a kuzotski. He said that if he saw me again, he had a specially made set of kuzotskis that he and his son Zoltan Jr had made just for me."

"I can't wait to head back to Mypos to see everyone. Uncle Stavros will be celebrating his 112th birthday tomorrow."

"Ah, good ol' Stavros Bartokomous. What a good ol' soul. He used to take the local kids for a "traffic report" to watch the mules and donkeys go by, only to see the cars and trucks go. The European Union and the UN helped with modernization of the islands when they united and was accepted by the UN as a member."

"I'll be so happy to see Uncle Stavros and Cousin Stefano."

The plane continued its flight to Athens and everyone had either dozed off or engrossed themselves in their tablet or phone. Meredith looked at her tablet, watching a video of her mother and father on her 21st birthday. Robbie looked up to see her looking at the screen with tears in her eyes.

"Are those your parents?" Robbie asked her.

She nodded, wiping tears as they slipped down her cheeks.

"This was on my 21st birthday, when I went to visit them during Spring Break from college. Dad wanted me to get into diplomacy with the United Nations, and I did it in memory of him and mom when they died. I never found out how they died, but they said it had something to do with a helicopter crash. Some guy was with him named Bartok. I never found out what happened to Bartok, either. I think he died, too."

"You look so much like your mom, Meredith."

"You really think so?"

"Yeah, you have her eyes, like Liz Taylor's, but you have your dad's black hair."

"I remember when my dad used to use that Grecian Formula on his hair, so he wouldn't look like an elderly hippie. My friends said he looked like a Myposian Steven Segal. I thought that was silly."

"I bet he was awesome."

"He was. He was the one who had Uncle Zoltan train me in the kuzotski, and then I ended up competing in fencing as a teenager. He also helped me get enrolled in kung fu and iaido classes."

"Wow, no wonder you're always so athletic. Uh, what's iaido?"

"Iaido is the art of combat with a katana, so it's kinda like a samurai."

"That explains your fascination with katanas and martial arts weapons."

Meredith laughed and said,"Yeah, and that also explains the uniforms in my closet, so no, it's not for sexual roleplay."

"Aw man, I thought you'd come in as the naughty kung fu instructor teaching her horny student..."

"Shhhhh! You'll wake up Mister Bartokomous!" she pointed over at a soundly sleeping Balki, with a pair of AirBuds in his ears and his mouth hanging wide open.

Mary Anne glanced over at Balki and saw Meredith and Robbie looking at him, then began giggling to herself as well.

_Eleftherios Venizelos: Athens Greece_

Once the plane landed, everyone left the plane and headed to the baggage claim.

"Wild ride, huh?" Larry said to Balki.

"You tellin' me," Balki replied,"That woman look at me like I sheared her sheep without her permission. I think Meredith wanted to get physical with her. Her face get red like yours when I accidentally drop your toothbrush into the toilet long time ago."

"I think Balki handled it very well." Jennifer said, patting Balki's back.

"Thank you..." Balki looked over to see a familiar bearded man wearing a blue button-up shirt, black trousers with suspenders, and a pair of black shoes,"Is that..."

"Uncle Zoltan!" Meredith cried out, running to her uncle.

"There's my little _babiki_. Oh!" he looked startled to see Balki,"It's been a while, Bartokomous. I am forever grateful to have the feud end with such a noble and graceful duel."

"I not like fighting anyway, but I did no wanna be called coward and bring shame to the Bartokomous name."

Zoltan looked serious and said,"Well, speaking of shame to the Bartokomouses, the Jamboriki has unfortunately been cancelled."

"What? Why?" Larry said, looking surprised.

"Bad things have happened on Mypos. I tell you while we wait for helicopter to take us to my home in Skeptos."


	3. Chapter 3: Terror in Mypos

_Chapter 3: Terror in Mypos_

_En route to Skeptos_

A military chopper arrived on the tarmac at Eleftherios Venizelos in Athens and Zoltan said,"We can no go to Mypos without the new ruler catching us."

Balki looked at him and said,"New...ruler?"

As they got in the military chopper, Zoltan told them the whole story,"You know about how Queen Cookie abdicate in favor of her daughter, Viki? So, the triple kingdoms of Mypos, Skeptos, and Pathos were happy, prosperous, and modern, that was, until things begin a downward spiral, beginning with the deaths of my brother-in-law and his wife, who is Meredith's parents. There was no helicopter crash. They were murdered."

Meredith gasped and said,"Murdered? Who would kill my mom and dad?"

Zoltan continued,"They were last seen with Bartok Bartokomous and his entourage. It was said that they were being exiled from Mypos for "enciting treason". You see, we not find out it was Bartok until he come back to Mypos and overthrow Queen Viki, then crown himself emperor of the new "Empire of Bartok". Balki, your cousin has changed since he come back from California. He become sinister, conniving, vindictive, and power-hungry. He even abandon his ancestry and began speaking in a normal American accent. The worst part is that he drop his Bartokomous name and call himself "Bartok Almighty, emperor of the Triple Kingdoms". He then vow to kill all Myposians, Skeptosians, and Pathosians, even calling it "second Holocaust"."

Balki turned pale from the mention of Bartok's sinister transformation into a psychotic dictator like person.

"Hmmph, sounds like a Trump wannabe." Meredith muttered.

"Zoltan, I say we stop him in the name of Mypos...and Skeptos...and Pathos. Bartok has become mad with the power, and Meredith is right, he is like the Donald Duck."

"No, Donald Trump, Mister Bartokomous." Meredith said with a laugh.

The chopper landed on a hidden pad on Skeptos near the main village.

"I now take you to where refugees are hiding. I make, along with my son and brother, a bunker under our blacksmith's workshop to hide all refugees from all three islands."

"Is Stavros Bartokomous still alive, Zoltan?" Balki looked very worried.

"I regret to tell you that he was Bartok's first victim when he take over Castle Mypos. He torture him and then execute him with poleaxe. Bartok personally cut his head off."

Immediately, Balki stopped and bent his head, softly weeping.

"Balki?" Mary Anne rubbed his back.

"Buddy?" Larry said, looking over at his sobbing cousin.

His voice came out in a very frightening growl,"I will see to it that Bartok pays the Peter Piper..."

Trying to calm everyone down, Meredith then asks Zoltan,"So, how did you get ahold of a military chopper?"

"The Cypriot military discover Bartok's coup d'etat, so the president of Cyprus send us military chopper, a scout cruiser, and small platoon of soldiers." Zoltan replied.

"Any other countries know about this?"

"Greece, Malta, Serbia, Montenegro, Bosnia, Armenia, Macedonia, Croatia, Bulgaria, and Romania. They are trying to get UN to help, too. There was a meeting in New York today."

"Good. I know the UN will assist us, but what about the soldiers from Cyprus?"

"They stay at the bunker to guard refugees. All of Mypos is in bunker, as is some Skeptosians. Bartok put everyone on Pathos under house arrest. They're his prisoners, and so is my "

Zoltan then led the Bartokomouses and Appletons off the pad and to the hidden bunker at his workshop.

Everyone arrived in the bunker with Zoltan and Zoltan Jr, his son, said to him in Skeptosian,"Papa, you're back, and with Cousin Meredith. Oh, is that the famous Balki Bartokomous? The one who ended the feud between ours and his families?

"Yes. Cousin Meredith is romantically involved with Balki's son, Robespierre, or Robbie." Zoltan replied, also in Skeptosian.

"Oh, it's so good to see you, Cousin." Zoltan Jr said, hugging Meredith.

He greatly resembled his father, only with a longer and more unkempt-looking beard and long, dark brown hair tied in a man-bun, and wore army fatigues just like the members of the Cypriot army platoon.

"Thank you, Junior." she smiled, then turned to the Bartokomouses and Appletons,"Ok, you know Mister Bartokomous already, and the lady with him is his wife, Mary Anne. On the other side of Mister Bartokomous is his son and my boyfriend, Robespierre, or Robbie for short, and the dark-clad woman beside Mrs Bartokomous is their daughter, Stephanie."

"Why is she so gloomy looking?" Zoltan Jr asked Meredith.

"She's into the Goth culture, but I'll tell you about that later."

"Let me guess, the short, lipless man with the glasses is Cousin Larry? Papa says he was scared when he tried to duel him. That man is no fighter."

"Lipless?" Meredith looked closely at Larry,"I don't see it. Ok, beside Larry is his wife, Jennifer, and beside them are their son, Tucker, and their adopted daughter, Li Qiao, or Li for short."

"I am so sorry the reunion and Jamboriki was cancelled at such short notice, but Bartok took over so quickly."

"Tell me everything. How did Bartok usurp power from Queen Viki?"

Zoltan Jr led everyone in, sat down along with the refugees and the soldiers, and began to tell the story of how Bartok seized control,"It begin last Friday, after Papa told me about you coming here with the Bartokomouses for the Jamboriki. We begin to get complaints from the fishermen that all piers and docks, and the main harbor in Mypos has been blockaded by unknown boats, boats in black with a single red star on them with the letter Beta on them, the Greek letter, not the letter B. So, as fisherman come back with no fish, the main commercial areas are overrun by brigands in black su-its with red stars with Beta on them attack shop owners and force them into virtual house arrest. We all go home to watch on TV to see if the queen is making statement on these attacks, only to see Bartok on TV, with the queen bound up and proclaiming he is emperor of the islands and no one is to leave. Someone did try to leave, though, his name was Stavros Bartokomous, and he had a gun and a kuzotski with him, because he want to kill Bartok to save Mypos, but Bartok had his army to seize him and Bartok himself chopped his head off with a poleaxe, like the ones the palace guards have. Sad part is that he did it on live TV, murdering poor Stavros like that. His son, Stefano, is here, and he want vengeance, too, but we say to wait for UN to come to help."

Meredith looked back at the refugees, who looked tired and quite hungry,"I think we may need to send the platoon to aid in ousting Bartok. Poor Mister Bartokomous is also wanting Bartok's blook on his hands, and that's not like him. Besides, the refugees look hungry and sick."

"Yes, we run low on rations, and Cypriot platoon can no contact Cyprus without Bartok noticing."

"Then I have no choice. I'm making a call to the UN."

"Yes, your papa was American ambassador to the islands, so they listen to you."

"Yeah, and I decided to take my father's place once he and mom were killed..."

"So that make you new American ambassador to the islands. Yes, everyone here was so sad when your papa and mama died, so knowing a Metaxas is back as ambassador will make them so happy."


	4. Chapter 4: It's Personal

_Chapter 4: It's Personal_

_Skeptos, the Boltulitis bunker_

Immediately, Meredith made the call to the UN, speaking to the UN General.

"Mister General, sir, this is Meredith Metaxas, and I'm calling from the island of Skeptos, in the Mediterranean Sea. There has been a coup d'etat here in the triple island kingdom of Mypos, Skeptos, and Pathos. The mastermind behind the coup is a man by the name of Bartok Bartokomous, now known as Bartok Almighty, as he has renounced his Myposian heritage, abandoned his native tongue and accent, and has become an increasingly dangerous far-right zealot." she said to the general.

"How did you get to Skeptos, Meredith? Especially with all of the increased security there?" the general said to her.

"A man by the name of Zoltan Botulitis, who is my uncle, met us when I arrived with my significant other and his family for the annual Bartokomous family reunion and Jamboriki, only to find out from Uncle Zoltan that it was cancelled. He, along with help from the Cypriot army, have an army chopper and slipped us into an underground bunker here in Skeptos with refugees from all three islands, as well as the "satelite" island of Klepto, north of Mypos. The Cypriot platoon are aiding in providing rations and medical care, but due to the increased crackdown on "security breaches", Cyprus cannot provide us with provisions and medicines."

"And where is Queen Viki?"

"I believe she is in the palace dungeon, built deep in the basement levels of the palace."

"This is not good. We have no choice but to send some military and peacekeeping forces there. We will discuss this in our meeting this morning. Please be safe, Meredith."

"I'll try my best, General."

Just then, Zoltan came back in and said,"More bad news, Bartok plans on executing Queen Viki tomorrow, via beheading with poleaxe!"

"Wait, how you know, Papa?" Zoltan Jr responded.

"Is on the news, the new news run by Bartok himself, so he can make proclaimations all the time as he see fit."

"No, we've got to stop Bartok before he make the biggest mistake of his life." Balki said, standing up quickly,"And I go to stop him myself."

Immediately, Larry grabs Balki's arm and said,"No, don't you dare. If Bartok sees you, he'll axe you like Stavros."

"Aw come on, Cousin, I'm not scared of a madman and his big axe. This is personal, and I will defend the Bartokomous family from my power-hungry-hungry-hippo cousin."

"Balki, Larry is right. Bartok will no doubt execute you just for being a Bartokomous. Let us go with you, if you feel you have to stop him." Mary Anne said, holding his other arm.

Just then, a short, completely bald man around his mid fifties comes in the bunker beside Zoltan, wearing a white button-up shirt, a woolen vest, black trousers, and bare feet.

"I hear voices here, Zoltan. More refugees?" the man spoke in Myposian.

"Yes, Stefano, Balki and his family has come. Luckily, his son is romantically involved with my niece Meredith, you know, my wife, Elena's brother's daughter." Zoltan replied, also in Myposian.

"Ah, so she's Ajax's daughter? I thought so! She's got Ajax's raven black hair and Barbara Jean's eyes, like Liz Taylor's. She looks like a true Metaxas, through and through. Oh, oh! That's Cousin Balki! BALKI!"

Stefano ran over to Balki and said in frantic Myposian,"Oh, Cousin! You're home! You see what Cousin Bartok has done? He killed Papa and tried to kill Mama! He also destroy cemetary where Aunt Bibi and Yaya Biki are buried. He toss the coffins in the Mediterranean Sea!"

"Cousin, that is all I needed to know. I will go and handle Bartok myself." Balki walked past his diminutive cousin and his former rival.

"Dad, don't! Don't go!" Robbie yelled.

"No, listen to us, Dad!" Stephanie added.

Balki stopped briefly, then said,"I'm going." he then turns to Zoltan and says in Myposian," Zoltan, give me a kuzotski."

Zoltan sighed and went to find a freshly forged kuzotski he and Zoltan Jr made a few hours before.

"I know they're afraid, Balki, but I understand your reasoning for this. Be careful. We'll follow as soon as we can make a plan to get in. I believe the soldiers can get us in easily." Zoltan whispered to Balki in Myposian.

"Good. Make sure everyone is safe." Balki replied, also in Myposian.

"You are a brave man, not too smart, though, but brave. I think the American saying is "you've got more guts than brains". Go and reclaim the Bartokomous honor, my friend. Oh, and there is a boat outside by the sea. You know which way to go." Zoltan hugged Balki, then handed him the kuzotski in a leather scabbard, then Balki left the bunker, heading towards the small fishing boat and followed the view of Mypos Palace.

Once arriving on the island, Balki headed through the grass behind the palace, where it already reeked of old blood and miasma.

"Smells worse than babastiki." Balki muttered as he finds what looks to be a secret tunnel that had a small dock leading to it.

"I bet that leads into the palace." he followed the tunnel, after taking out a small flashlight he had his attached to his car keys.

The old catacomb led through a damp, musty room underground. He could hear the moans of agony and ragged coughing of people.

"The dungeon...I bet the queen is here." he said as he walked down the corridor.

Familiar people, people who lived in the village with him, were in the cells, chained with rusted iron manacles, deprived of light, food, water, and decent shelter.

He passed a cell and heard crying.

"Hello?" Balki said in English first, then repeated in Myposian.

"Who's there?" a female voice called out from the dark.

"Balki Bartokomous." with those words, the area filled with excited and hopeful chatter.

"Oh, Balki! You return!" a voice came from the cell.

"Is that you, your Majesty?"

"Yes, it is I, Queen Viki." the queen replied.

"Oh, my queen!" Balki fell prone upon the floor by the queen, who was dressed in a white jumpsuit, similar to the orange jumpsuits worn by American prisoners.

"Oh, get up, Balki. I changed the rule to a simple nod or bow at the waist." she laughed as he got up quickly,"Why are you here?"

"I confront Bartok. He kill my Uncle Stavros and desert-crated my mama and Yaya Biki's graves."

"Oh, Balki, don't do it. He's got an army from a lot of terrorist groups around here and right-wing paramilitary groups aiding in his coup. He's going to behead me tomorrow and he'll probably behead you, too, if he sees you."

"Your Majesty, that is a risk I'm willing to take. As for you and the others, I try to open the doors."

"Without a key?"

"I force it open with my kuzotski." with those words, Balki unsheathed his kuzotski and placed the point into the lock, wiggled it around a few times, then the lock clicked and the door opened.

"Go to my boat outside, head to Skeptos, look for Zoltan Botulitis and tell them of this location. I go stop Bartok. Be careful, your Majesty."

"Oh Balki, I am no queen now, call me Viki."

"You are always the queen of the islands, even when Bartok steal them from you."

Queen Viki ran down the hallway to find the opening to the catacombs, then found the boat and rowed it to Skeptos.


	5. Chapter 5: Bartok Almighty

_Chapter 5: Bartok Almighty_

_Skeptos: Boulitis's Blacksmith Workshop_

Stefano looked out to see a boat rowing back from Mypos.

"Zoltan!" he called out, then handed his binoculars to him and said in Myposian,"Look!"

Through the binoculars, he saw Queen Viki rowing the boat to the Skeptosian shore.

"Merciful God, the queen is coming! Balki rescued the queen!" he shouted in surprise.

The refugees chattered happily and then Mary Anne said to Zoltan,"What happened? Where's Balki?"

"Your husband has saved Queen Viki, so there won't be an execution tomorrow! Praise the Lord!" Zoltan said happily.

"You let him go?!" Mary Anne, who was now enraged, grabbed Zoltan by the shirt collar and yelled,"WE TOLD HIM IT WAS TOO DANGEROUS, AND WHAT DID YOU DO?! YOU GAVE HIM A SWORD AND SENT HIM ON HIS MERRY WAY! NOTHING BETTER HAPPEN TO MY HUSBAND, BOTULISM!"

"That's Botulitis, and don't worry, Mrs Bartokomous, Balki is a brave man. Sure, he may be, how you say, "a few fries short of a Happy Meal", but he is one brave man."

The queen ran up to the workshop and saw Zoltan being roughhoused by Mary Anne.

"Your Majesty!" Zoltan bowed to the queen.

Mary Anne looked over and said,"Oh! Hi!" and curtsied to her.

Zoltan then led the queen into the bunker with Mary Anne following them.

The immediate sight of the queen brought the entire room to their feet and them bowing to her.

"Oh..." the queen looked at Zoltan,"I guess they all still love me and not that treacherous Bartok."

"Your Majesty, are you hurt?" he said to her.

"No, but I am hungry, though. I hear Bartok's witholding food and other services to the people of the islands."

"Yes, your Majesty, and because of Bartok's paranoid patrolling of the islands, the volunteer platoon from Cyprus is stuck with us as well. My niece, Meredith, has contacted the UN to get a peacekeeping force and possibly a way to force Bartok from power."

"Meredith? Meredith Metaxas? Ajax Metaxas's daughter? Oh, I was told that Ajax fled Mypos on Donald Trump's orders."

"No, Ajax and Barbara Jean were murdered by Bartok and thrown into the Mediterranean Sea to hide the bodies."

"So they were more casualties of Bartok's plan to overthrow me. We have to get to Balki and make sure he's not among the death toll of Bartok's schemes."

"DEATH TOLL?!" Mary Anne wailed and began crying.

"Oh, I didn't mean to upset you, miss." the queen looked worriedly at Balki's sobbing wife.

Robbie stood up and said,"I'm not letting my dad do this alone. I'm going to Mypos after him!"

"Nooooo, Robbie!" Mary Anne wailed again.

"Stop, Robbie!" Stephanie stood up,"Listen, if you go, w e're all going."

Tucker and Larry, in unison, yell,"WHAT?!"

"Yes, we'll ALL go, so Bartok won't kill Dad!"

"Then he'll kill ALL of us!" Tucker whined.

"Oh please, you've always been a wuss, Tucker!" Li sounded fed up with Tucker whining,"I'm with Stephanie. Let's go!"

Meredith stood up and said,"I'm with her, too. It'll be hours before the UN forces get here and the people of the islands don't have that long. Let's do this. Uncle Zoltan, we're going to need some steel."

Zoltan left briefly before bringing with him what looked like a pair of kuzotskis in black leather scabbards.

"These are the kuzotskis I promised you, Meredith. Don't lop off too many ears with them." Zoltan said with a hearty chuckle.

"Maybe I'll just give out free ear piercings." Meredith laughed.

Zoltan Jr went upstairs to the workshop and began rooting through old stock to find more kuzotskis and found one for each of the rest.

"Here, be careful, these are live blades and will cut you." he said as he handed the Bartokomouses and Appletons each one kuzotski.

"Ah, I remember this. I dueled Zoltan one time with one of these." Larry boasted.

"Yes, O lipless one, and I made you nearly urinate on youself in fear." Zoltan said with a chuckle.

Jennifer rolled her eyes and Li said sarcastically,"Where oh where does my big brother get his yellow streak?"

"Wait, why kuzotskis, Mister Zoltan?" Tucker said,"Where's the guns? You know the AR-15s, the Uzis, the AK-47s..."

"Only Bartok and his closest guards are allowed firearms here, but of course, the platoon is armed..." Zoltan looked over to see the sergeant of the platoon speaking on radio to his superiors in Cyprus.

"Give us a status report, Tzimiskos." the superior officer said in Greek.

"General Katsopolis, we are literally backed into a corner. Bartok Almighty's forces have commandeered the scouting cruiser that was circling the islands, slain the naval officers, and has impaled the bodies on metal spikes outside the palace to scare the people into obedience, then sank the cruiser into the sea." Sergeant Tzimiskos replied.

"This is bad. Any other news?"

"Yes, the man we've gotten in touch with, Zoltan Botulitis, has his niece, who happens to be the daughter of the former UN American ambassador to the islands, Meredith Metaxis, along with her boyfriend's family, the Bartokomouses and Appletons here, as they were expecting to come to a family reunion for the Bartokomous family. The father of her boyfriend, Balki Bartokomous, has went onto the island of Mypos to stop Bartok. We are cornered in a bunker under a blacksmith workshop on Skeptos and I fear we may not have enough aid and provisions to feed the people here, let alone ourselves."

"Very well, we will send more people in the ships, along with provisions and medical help."

"The UN is also coming with peacekeeping and military forces in case we break out into violence."

"Any word on Queen Viki?"

"It seems that Mister Bartokomous freed her and she took a fishing boat back from Mypos to Skeptos out of the hidden dungeon catacomb passageway."

"That is excellent news. Keep us informed on any changes, Tzimiskos."

"Aye, sir!"

Balki stealthfully tiptoed through the first floor hallway, looking to see bodies of slain guards and livestock scattered through out the halls, and the vile stench of miasma filled the air. He cursed to himself in Myposian as he covered his face with the front of his shirt. Suddenly, he heard footsteps behind him and he hid behind a large marble sculpture of King Ferdinand Mypos. When the footsteps subsided, he sighed and stood out, only to be face to face with Bartok, who was clad in a black and red formal military suit, a gold kuzotski at his side, and an AK-47 strapped to his back.

"Hello, Cousin Balki. Looking for me?" Bartok spoke in a sinister voice without even the slightest trace of a Myposian accent.

"Oh, I am in deep babastiki..." Balki muttered.


	6. Chapter 6: Captured and Tortured

(AUTHOR'S NOTE: This chapter features torture. Reader discretion is advised.)

_Chapter 6: Captured and Tortured_

_Castle Mypos: Throne Room_

Bartok stood in front of his cousin, who was now bound in heavy rope and with two guards pointing AK-47s to his head.

"Well, isn't this a coincidence. I bet you thought there would be that pathetic Jamboriki, but I cancelled that." he said, pointing his kuzotski at Balki's throat.

"Bartok, I am ashamed of you. You call yourself a Bartokomous..." Bartok slapped Balki violently.

"HA! I renounce that foolish, backwater name! I spit upon its very legacy! You can call me Bartok Almighty, for that is what I am now, almighty, all-powerful, insanely rich, and unstoppable! So, I bet you brought your family, that little airheaded bimbo, Mary Anne, and your hipster son, Robespierre, and your devil-worshipper daughter, Stephanie. Oh, and I bet "Cousin Larry" had to tag along with his little Chinese anchor baby, his short, lipless son, Tucker, and of course, his luscious little lollipop of a woman, Jennifer. Maybe I'll spare the MILF and the airhead and make them my personal...pleasure slaves...well, maybe I'll get the Chinese girl and your Goth daughter, too. Maybe the Chinese girl will "love me long time", huh?"

"Don't you dare insult my family!" Balki was incensed.

"You don't have a leg to stand on, worm!" he then walked around Balki, smirking to himself,"You know, I have better plans for you, dear cousin. Before I publicly put you to the cleaving blade of a primitive polearm, I want to see you grovel before me, beg me not to spread your pathetic Myposian entrails all over this God-forsaken island. I wonder how long it would take you to divorce Mary Anne so she can marry me? Oh, I would love to see her face when you proclaim you want a divorce...of course, under GREAT duress."

"You wouldn't!" Balki looked surprised at the thought of what Bartok had in mind.

"I tortured old man Stavros before I seperated his centegenerian head from his body, and I wonder how much a washed-up, late 50's Myposian like yourself can handle. If only I could have your wife here, watching that bubbleheaded blonde beg and plead for her precious Balki to be freed, oh, the thought of hearing her wail and cry for you...oh, it titilates me, it gets my juices flowing." Bartok then says to the guards,"Send him to the torture chamber. I'm going to have a lot of fun tonight, Cousin Balki!"

His psychotic laugh echoed through the palace.

"Are you sure you won't come with us, Uncle Zoltan?" Meredith said to Zoltan.

"My place is here with the others guarding the queen. Please be careful, Meredith." he replied, hugging her.

"We'll be back with Balki," Larry said,"that is, unless I knock him into next week for being so stupid!"

The Bartokomouses and Appletons all boarded the fishing boat and Robbie and Tucker took the oars, rowing the boat over to Mypos.

"I sure hope Dad's ok, Mom." Stephanie said to Mary Anne.

"Me, too, Stephanie, but I know your dad will pull through." she replied to her worried daughter.

Meredith looked over at, what looked to be a cavern with a small port at the entrance, then said,"That must be where her Majesty came from."

Robbie and Tucker rowed the boat over to the cavern and everyone got out. Larry sniffed and then said,"Oh my lord! It smells like a butcher shop here, well if the butcher dealt in human meat." he immediately cringed.

"From the stench, Bartok must be busy on a homicidal spree, or maybe it's his minions doing the killing." Meredith added.

Taking out a flashlight, Meredith led everyone through the dimly lit catacomb and then heard more moaning, coughing, and whimpering.

"This is the dungeon. Everyone, get out your kuzotskis, find a cell, unlock it, and gather the prisoners." Meredith said

Everyone unsheathed their kuzotskis and chose a cell door, placing the points of them into the locks.

"Ok, move it clockwise once, then upwards, and it will unlock." she added.

Her words were followed by loud clicks, and people muttering. A woman, that looked to be in her mid 50s, ran up to Meredith and said,"So Balki is here to save us!"

She looked over to see that it was her Aunt Elena, Zoltan's wife.

"Aunt Elena? How did you get here?" she said surprised.

"Is that my little babiki, Meredith? Oh, you're here! I thought Bartok killed you, too, when he killed Ajax and Barbara Jean."

"No, I came here with the Bartokomouses and Appletons for the reunion and Jamboriki. You see, I'm dating Mister Bartokomous's son, Robespierre, or Robbie for short. I got ahold of the United Nations and they're on their way with military and peacekeeping forces to help oust Bartok."

"Oh, that is amazing, Meredith!" Elena hugged Meredith happily.

"So Mister Bartokomous came this way?"

"Yes, after he send Queen Viki back to Skeptos."

"Yeah, her Majesty is with Uncle Zoltan while they wait for the UN to get here. Robbie insisted we find his dad so he won't get hurt."

After the others freed the rest of the prisoners, Meredith said to them,"Ok, Aunt Elena, take everyone to the fishing boat at the port down this hall, take it due east to Skeptos, go about 1/3 of a mile northeast to Uncle Zoltan's shop. They're under the shop in a bunker that he and Junior made."

"Oh, please be careful, babiki. I worry Balki is being tortured, as I heard a loud cry of pain earlier."

"No..."Meredith's hands went to her mouth

"BALKI!" Mary Anne screamed.

Bartok had Balki tied by his limbs to two planks on the floor and ceiling. He had ripped his shirt and shoes off, leaving him in his tattered black trousers and his suspenders hanging limply off of the waistband of his trousers.

"Torture me all you want, Bartok, but you'll never get me to say it!" Balki said defiantly.

"We'll see, little man, we'll see..." with those words, Bartok took out a black leather bullwhip, cracked it against the floor, and said,"Let's see how many lashes you can handle before you divorce Mary Anne?"

"Bring it on, Bartok."

Within seconds, Balki felt the sharp sting of the leather slap against his bare back, leaving a red mark on his pale skin. He hissed in pain, only to be lashed again on his back, another stripe of bright crimson appearing on his tortured flesh.

"Grrrrrr, damn you, Balki!" Bartok lashed him again, this time a horizontal line appearing along his lower back just above the waistband of his trousers.

"Nothing you do can make me abandon my precious lamb kebab, Mary Anne." Balki said, wincing from the stinging pain.

Bartok raised his arm to whip Balki again, but stopped and said,"No, I've got better ideas..."

He then lifted up a club wrapped long-ways in stiff piano wire, which sat on a table nearby, then with a yell, he smashed the club into Balki's upper back, the stiff, sharp wires slicing his back.

"You can torture me to death, Bartok, but you cannot get me to say those words!" Balki was still defying the torture Bartok was dealing to him, much to Bartok's disdain.

"Oh, you will, Balki ol' boy. Perhaps this isn't the pain you need to experience." he walked over to a foot locker and took out a cloth sack, a car battery, and a set of jumper cables.

"I am going to enjoy this..." Bartok covered Balki's face with the sack.

As the Bartokomouses and Appletons watched the freed prisoners take the boat back to Skeptos, Meredith walked on ahead and listened for any more cries of pain.

"Sounds like Bartok's easing off on Mister Bartokomous." she said as they followed her up a stone spiral staircase to the ground floor.

Suddenly, Larry gagged and said,"Oh my lord, the stench of death is even stronger up here!"

"I'll say!" Tucker said, stepping over a dead body,"Looks like Bartok's goons killed the palace guards."

Suddenly, they heard a loud gush of water and a frantic "MMMM-MMMMM-MMMMM!" come from the next floor above them.

"Water..." Meredith mumbled,"Oh God, he's not..."

"What?" Mary Anne looked worriedly at Meredith.

"Bartok's...waterboarding him!"

Mary Anne let out a cry of anguish and yelled,"DON'T WORRY, BALKI, I'M COMING!"

"SHHHHH!" Meredith covered Mary Anne's mouth and said,"You'll give us away! Anyway, it's coming from somewhere on the 2nd floor. Let's go."

By now, Balki was still suspended on the ropes attached to the floor and ceiling. The white cloth sack was over his head, covering his face. He was soaking wet, and now, stripped down to his underwear. He was gasping for breath as he regained his composure after Bartok had waterboarded him.

"You're a stubborn little jackass, Balki. I practically drowned you, and here you are, still alive, still of strong constitution, and as defiant as our idiot uncle Stavros. No, I don't plan on claiming your head yet, Cousin, but I still believe I can break you."

"You're wasting your time, Bartok!" Balki snapped.

"Oh, am I?" with those words, Bartok latched on the jumper cables to his manhood through the thin cotton of his boxer shorts.

"Aaaah!" he yelled as the sharp clamp closed on his testicles.

"And now, this will be...electrifying..." while laughing psychotically, he placed the other clamp on the car battery, sending a power jolt into Balki's nether regions.

"AAAAAUUUUGHHHH!" he cried out.

Just as he was about to jolt Balki again, a voice yelled,"LOOK! IT'S BALKI!"

Bartok turned around to see Meredith and the others standing at the doorway.


	7. Chapter 7: Trapped Like Rats

_Chapter Seven: Trapped Like Rats_

_Castle Mypos: Secret Torture Room, Second Floor_

"BALKI!" Mary Anne ran to him, only to be cut off with Bartok pointing his gold kuzotski at her face.

"Make one more move and I'll gouge out those bug eyes, you little blonde bimbo." he hissed at her.

"Don't you talk to my wife like that!" Balki was still fighting back from the horrible torture Bartok was inflicting on him.

"Ha, you're in no position to order ME around. You're tied up, soaking wet, whipped, slashed, and now, I've electrically castrated you. Besides, I think Mary Anne would rather have a more handsome and virile man, as opposed to you, old man. I doubt even Viagra can help you now, Balki! Don't worry..." he went up to Mary Anne and pulled her to him, running his hand roughly through her silvery blonde hair,"I'll take gooooood care of this little powder puff..." he sniffed her hair lecherously and Mary Anne shrieked in terror.

"No..." Balki began struggling in the ropes, then with well-hidden, almost inhuman strength, he let out a loud scream, almost a roar, as he ripped his arms down, tearing the ropes from the ceiling, then he ripped the ropes from the floor.

"What the f..."Bartok was about to curse when Balki removed the sack from his head and said in a wicked growl,"I said...don't talk to my wife like that, you walking slab of babastiki..."

"Oh my lord!" Larry said quite loudly.

"Sweet Mama Molassey!" Meredith yelled in shock, with her southern accent very strong, and everyone looked at her weirdly.

"Let's just git 'em!" she responded as she unsheathed her two kuzotskis and pointed them at Bartok.

"I'm shocked you know how to hold those toothpicks, little girl." Bartok said with smug expression.

"It's over, Bartok "Almighty". Your prisoners are free, including her Majesty, the queen, the United Nations are on their way to stop you, and your plan to torture Mister Bartokomous has GREATLY FAILED!"

"Ha! That's what you think, Metaxas! I should have killed you, too, when I stuck those two meddlers like the swine they were and tossed them into the sea. I'm ALWAYS prepared, and you and your idiot American friends are outnumbered..." as he said that, hordes of black clad paramilitary soldiers poured into the room, AK-47's all aimed at the Bartokomouses and Appletons.

"I always win, Metaxas, and now, I'm going to have a little fun with all of you." Bartok turns to the soldiers and said,"Take the men to the dungeon, but leave Balki here. I want him prepared for...execution."

"What?!" Robbie yelled.

"NO! BALKI!" Larry also yelled.

"YOU CAN'T EXECUTE MY BALKI!" Mary Anne slapped Bartok, then he grabbed her hand forcefully, his hazel eyes staring daggers into her brown eyes.

"As for you, little spitfire, I want you for my own." he looked lecherously at her.

"Over my dead body, you ziminiki!" Balki finished ripping the rope from his limbs and ran at Bartok, only to be snatched by two soldiers.

"I've got a better idea...Balki, you'll be spared...so you can see your lovely wife become all mine...and I'll keep your cousin's wife and daughter and your daughter with me as well. They'll make lovely...pleasure slaves..."

"EWWW! YOU SICK FREAK!" Li snapped and cringed before a soldier covered her mouth with his black gloved hand.

"As for you, Metaxas, I believe I'll also prepare you for execution. The pathetic United Nations cannot stop me, and neither can your boyfriend's pathetic family."

"NO! MEREDITH!" Robbie cried out, trying to pass through the soldiers to get to her.

"Take them away!" the soldiers dragged everyone off in different directions.

Pointing his gold kuzotski at Meredith, Bartok said,"Like I said before, Metaxas, I always win. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have my...future wife and my pleasure slaves to...entertain..."

The guards dragged off Larry, Tucker, and Robbie while the other guards took Mary Anne, Jennifer, Stephanie, Li, and Meredith to Bartok's bedroom.

"And now, for you..." Bartok pointed his gold kuzotski at Balki,"Yes, I will end you, but not before I marry your wife and make her my own. I want the last thing you see before you die to be me...kissing the bride..." he manically laughed and Balki tried to lunge at him, only for the guards to hold him back.

"Take him away. Make sure he's...taken care of before the execution." with those words, the guards dragged Balki back, all while Balki yelled expletives in Myposian at Bartok.

Stefano looked out at the sea again and saw a boat full of people arriving to Skeptos.

"Zoltan, look!" he said to Zoltan in Skeptosian.

Zoltan took the binoculars and saw that the people on the boat were Myposian, Skeptosian, and Pathosian, then noticed a familiar woman.

"Elena! She's alive!" he exclaimed happily, also in Skeptosian.

"Elena? YES! Now we are so happy, we do the Dance of Joy!" with those words, Zoltan and Stefano began to dance the Dance of Joy, with Stefano ending up in Zoltan's arms.

Once the boat landed and the people came up to the workshop, Elena yelled excitedly in Skeptosian,"ZOLTAN! I'M FREE!"

"ELENA!" Elena sprinted up the path to Zoltan, who embraced her, kissed her, then said in Skeptosian,"I was so worried that Bartok killed you, or worse, made you a pleasure slave."

"No, I refused him, so he put me in the dungeon so he could execute me. All of the people in the dungeon with me were left there to slowly starve and dehydrate before Bartok was going to execute them."

"Did you find Balki?"

"Yes, and then our little niece, Meredith, came with Balki's family and freed us by picking the locks with kuzotskis. She sent us here so they could find Balki. I think Bartok captured Balki and tortured him."

"Oh no..." Zoltan stood back, looking horrified, then said,"Then we must storm the palace. We cannot wait for the UN. Let's see if we can get the Cypriot platoon in on this."


	8. Chapter 8: Rallying the Forces

Chapter 8: Rallying the Forces

Skeptos: Botulitis's bunker

Zoltan led the people into the bunker and then said in Skeptosian,"We cannot stay here in this bunker any longer, fellow Myposians, Skeptosians, and Pathosians. Our brother, Balki, has been captured and tortured, so we must go and storm the palace and take back our islands in the name of Queen Viki. Get your kuzotskis ready, for we'll take the fight to Bartok and his wicked soldiers. ARE YOU WITH ME?!"

Everyone stood up and cheered, fists raised high, and they headed up the stairs to the ground floor of the workshop, where Zoltan Jr passed each person a kuzotski, while the Cypriot platoon loaded up their assault rifles and marched out of the workshop. Zoltan looked over and noticed that the queen was attempting to find a kuzotski.

"With all due respect, your Majesty, I cannot allow you to fight. We cannot risk Bartok's soldiers slaying you." said Zoltan.

"This is my fight just as much as your fight, Zoltan. I won't let that usurper harm any more of my people. I'm fighting, too."

Zoltan opened his mouth to protest, but then said,"As you wish, your Majesty." and handed her his finest work, a Damascused kuzotski with a carved cup hilt etched in gold.

As they headed back to the boat, two naval ships bearing the insignia of the Cypriot military appeared in the horizon.

"Look! The reinforcements from Cyprus are here!" Zoltan said as he spotted the ships.

Sergeant Tzimiskos said,"Good! Wait until they arrive, then we'll rearm, not with kuzotskis, but with firearms. I doubt kuzotskis will be effective against assault rifles and RPGs."

Within 10 minutes, the ships arrived at Skeptos's coast and the commanding officer came over to Sergeant Tzimiskos, saluted him, and said in Greek,"Status report, Tzimiskos."

"Rations for the refugees are low, but they wish to storm the palace with Mister Botulitis. Have we any extra arms, Captain Psomas?" the sergeant replied, also in Greek.

"We should, but I do not recommend all of them to fight, only the able-bodied ones. The very young, the very old, the sick, the injured, and the pregnant should stay on board one of the ships."

The queen walked over to the captain and the sergeant, saluted them both, and said,"On behalf of the islands of Mypos, Skeptos, and Pathos, we are most grateful for the aid of the Republic of Cyprus during this dark period of insurrexion here. I am Viki, Queen of the Mediterranean Island Kingdom of Mypos, Skeptos, and Pathos."

"The honor is all ours, your Majesty," Captain Psomas spoke in English to the queen.

"Let us rearm and retake Castle Mypos. This time, it's personal."

Captain Psomas turned and yelled, in Greek, to the soldiers on the ships,"YOU HEARD HER MAJESTY, MOVE!"

Another soldier came over, saluted the queen, Captain Psomas, and Sergeant Tzimiskos, and said to the captain in Greek,"Captain Psomas, I will lead the soldiers on my ship to liberate the others on Mypos and Pathos. My soldiers are in contact with the UN force en route here and they have just flown past Greece. They will be here within the hour, sir."

"Excellent, Captain Vlahakis!" said Captain Psomas,"This will give us the advantage we need. DISMISSED!"

The soldiers salute and the refugees, led by Zoltan, Elena, and Zoltan Jr, enter the ship with Captain Psomas

"This is just great!" Larry snapped as he looked into the very dim hallway of the dungeon,"Bartok's gonna kill Balki, wipe out the islands' population, and do unspeakable, depraved sexual things to my wife!"

"And Mary Anne!" Tucker added.

"And...Meredith..." Robbie looked worried about Meredith,"And Steph and Li...wait until Bartok finds out Stephanie's a lesbian."

Tucker then said,"And Li...she's already been traumatized before Mom and Dad adopted her...OH GOD, OUR SISTERS!"

"And Meredith, poor, sweet, beautiful, radiant, sexy Meredith!" Robbie started to tear up,"I love her so much, and I wanted to marry her, and now, Bartok is probably...THAT ROTTEN SON OF A..."

Robbie's fist hit the stone wall with such force that a thin sliver of stone fell from the slabs the wall was constructed from.

"Oh my lord!" Larry looked at the sliver,"I have a plan!"

"NO, DAD, NOT NOW!" Tucker yelled.

"Oh will you calm down, son! That piece of rock Robbie knocked down has given me an idea...a stone...lockpick..."

Tucker's eyes lit up and he said,"You know, that's not a bad idea at all! Well, since I have the skinniest arms, I'll slip my hand through the bars with the piece of rock and put it in the keyhole."

"Good idea. You're definitely a true Appleton, Tucker!" Larry patted Tucker on the head before he took the pointy, needle-like stone and reached between the old, rusted wrought iron bars.

He jabbed the point into the lock and said,"It's thin enough! Ok, now Meredith said to move clockwise 360 degrees and upward..." and Tucker jiggled the thin stone and the lock clicked.

The door opened and he then said,"Finally, one of your crazy plans worked, Dad!"

"Thanks to you, son." Larry hugged him.

"Yeah, and those bony arms of yours," Robbie added,"There's no way such muscle like mine would fit there."

"Sure, Robbie, keep imagining, bro." Tucker scoffed as he, Robbie, and Larry headed back up the spiral staircase to the ground floor.

"I hope you know this stair climbing is murder on my sciatica!" Larry whined as he followed Robbie and Tucker.

"What a fine mess of turnips!" Meredith snapped while pacing in Bartok's bedroom,"Now how in the hell are we going to get out of this one...uhhhh, Mrs Bartokomous?" she looked over at Mary Anne, who was sobbing.

"He's gonna kill my Balki!" Mary Anne sobbed.

"I doubt it..." Meredith reached under the bed and dug out, what looked to be a large black box.

"Hmmm, wonder what's in this?" she looked around it to see it was a miniature safe.

"Looks like a safe." Jennifer said, looking at it oddly.

"I bet I can crack it. Let's see..." she fiddled with the dial and heard a click.

"One down, 2 to go..." two quick turns later, the safe opens to reveal a handgun and a box of bullets.

"Well, looky there! That was way too easy to get into, and look, I think I found one of Bartok's secret handguns." she took it out, looking at the gun closely.

"I'll be damned! A .9 mm! I'll hold onto this. Let's see..."

Just then, Bartok came in and while she secretly hid the gun in her pocket, he removed his military cap and black gloves.

"Ladies..." he said with a lecherous smile,"I told all of you, I always win. I wasn't going to deal in glow-in-the-dark sheep collars forever, you know. I had a higher calling, an epiphany of sorts. I saw that only Americans had true power, and if I wanted power, I had to gain it, so I began my path to becoming a self-made dictator. I decided to let myself become appointed to the queen's council by the former Queen Cookie. When she abdicated to move to South Beach to retire, I knew it was time to take over and become the lord and master of these backwoods, hideous islands, and when I did, I promised myself I'd rid myself of my supposed heritage, renounce my Myposian origins, ditch the stupid accent, change my looks, and now, I am the sexiest dictator on Earth." he turned to Mary Anne,"What do you say, sweet cheeks, ditch the bumpkin, marry me, and become part of the greatest empire on Earth. And you dumb Americans thought your incompetent, slovenly president, Donald Trump, would stat World War 3, but no, when my army invades Cyprus, I will start the war that will make me the undisputed leader of the New World Order."

"The wrestling stable?" Meredith said sarcastically.

"You would do well to shut your insolent mouth, woman. As of now, all 5 of you are my pleasure slaves, and you will do as I command you to do, no questions asked. Any resistance and I'll make you beg for death."

"You've always been a self-centered, self-entitled spoiled brat of a human being. For a man of 58 years of age, you act like a damn toddler."

"I'm warning you, Metaxas!" he grabbed her by her grey shirt collar.

"Ooooo, I'm soooo scared, Barty!" she slapped his hands from her shirt.

"You will obey me!" he drew his hand back to slap her, when she drew out the gun.

"Where did you get that?!" Bartok was enraged now.

"Nunya! I'm not letting you assault my boyfriend's family, Bartok!"

He was about to pick up his 2-way radio, when Meredith cocked the gun, with her finger on the trigger.

"Touch that radio and you'll have a hole in your head, boy!" her southern accent got stronger the angrier she got,"So you better open that damn door, let us go, tell us where Mister Bartokomous is, and then step down. Your reign of terror ends now, ol' boy, because..." she yelled in Myposian,"This Myposian is bringing your regime to its knees! How 'bow dat?"

"Shoot me. I DARE YOU!" Bartok yelled, and with those words, she shot him between the legs in his nether regions.

"AAAAAHHHH! YOU SHOT ME IN THE D..."

"Yes I did. Looks like you won't be doing any...pleasuring. GUYS, GO FIND MISTER BARTOKOMOUS, I'LL DEAL WITH BARTOK!"

Mary Anne, Jennifer, Li, and Stephanie ran out of the room as Meredith kept the gun aimed at Bartok.

Larry, Robbie, and Tucker found themselves at the staircase to the second floor and Larry said,"No, I'm not going up there again!"

"Then I'll carry you!" with those words, Robbie lifted Larry up in a fireman's carry and he and Tucker sprinted up the stairs.

"DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN! YOU'RE ABOUT AS CRAZY AS YOUR DAD!" Larry was livid, until he saw a familiar sight.

"Is that..." he said

"LARRY!" it was Jennifer, Mary Anne, Li, and Stephanie.

"MOM!" Tucker said as they made it over to the men.

"Oh, Larry, I was so worried that Bartok executed you three!" Jennifer said, kissing Larry happily.

"Wait, where's Balki and Meredith?"

"Well, we don't know where Balki is, but Meredith found a gun and shot Bartok in his penis."

Tucker and Robbie cringed and held their hands over their manhoods.

"Yeah, she's holding him at bay until we find Balki."

Suddenly, Mary Anne yells,"BALKI, WHERE ARE YOU, HONEY?!"

A voice from a room down the hall weakly said,"In here..."


	9. Chapter 9: Balki Bartokomous Rides Again

Chapter 9: Balki Bartokomous Rides Again

Castle Mypos: Secret Torture Room

"BALKI!" she sprinted to the room where the voice was and found a weak, bleeding Balki, chained to the wall,"Oh, honey, are you ok?"

Balki mumbled,"I'm hurting. Chains...too heavy...cuffs too tight..."

"Hey, Robbie," said Tucker,"you still have that stone sliver?"

Robbie held up the stone "lockpick" and picked the locks on the heavy cuffs on Balki's wrists and ankles. Once he was free, he dropped to his knees in sheer agony and exhaustion.

"You're gonna be ok, honey." Mary Anne said as she embraced him, crying.

"Ow...my back...the lashes..." he groaned, then Mary Anne gently ran her fingers over his raw, bare back.

"Where Meredith at?"

"She shot Bartok in the di.." Stephanie started to say, but Mary Anne said,"...he got shot in his special place."

"Oh po po, that is a fate worser than Mister Grim Reaper."

"Anyway, she stayed behind to stop Bartok."

Balki rose to his feet, looked at the lack of clothes he had on, and said,"I need to find some clothes quickly. The last thing I need is to be shown on the NBC Nightly News with Lester Holt in my underwear."

"Well, I don't know..." Mary Anne eyed him with lust,"I think you look just fine."

Suddenly, a loud ruckus came from outside the palace gates. Larry looked out to see military forces and a group of Myposian refugees with guns and army uniforms on.

"The cavalry has arrived." he said, pointing over to the group.

The soldiers and refugees walked in to see the Bartokomouses and Appletons at the bottom of the stairs to the second floor.

"Balki! He's alive!" Zoltan yelled in Skeptosian and the soldiers and refugees walked over to them.

"Zoltan, why are you here?" Balki asked him.

"We decided to join in the fight to save the islands, and while you were gone, more troops from Cyprus have arrived, along with them," Zoltan pointed over at a large group of UN soldiers,"Meredith will be glad to see them. Balki?"

"Yes, Zoltan?"

"Where are your clothes?"

"Bartok ripped them from me when he tortured me." he turned around to show his bare back still reddened with lash marks from the whip.

"Merciful God! I think the Cypriot soldiers will give you clothing to wear then." with those words, a Cypriot soldier comes over and says,"This way, Mister Bartokomous." then leads him down to the ship where the other refugees are.

"The UN forces will surround the palace if Bartok escapes and we, along with the Cypriot troops will keep the guards at bay while Bartok is found and apprehended."

About five minutes later, Balki returned in Cypriot army fatigues, an AK-47 strapped to his back, and a kuzotski at his belt.

"Now to find Bartok," he said,"It ends now."

A small group of Cypriot forces joins Balki as he comes up to the others and heads up to the 2nd floor, where Bartok was with Meredith.

When they made it to the top of the stairs, a group of black clad guards stood, AK-47s aimed at them.

"Surrender, Bartokomous!" the lead guard said, cocking his AK-47, aiming it at Balki's head.

"SOLDIERS! FORWARD!" the highest ranking Cypriot soldier yelled, running past Balki and his family.

"GO, MISTER BARTOKOMOUS! HURRY!" the soldier then said as they engaged in a hail of gunfire and hand-to-hand combat.

Balki leads the others to Bartok's bedroom, then said,"There's probably some extra kuzotskis on the dead palace guards. I hate to have you to do that, but if Bartok's soldiers try to get you, get ahold of kuzotskis, or even a gun. I'm going to find Bartok."

"Please be careful, honey." Mary Anne said, kissing Balki.

"Don't worry about me, my little lamb kebab. I'll be fine." he unsheathed his kuzotski and went in the seemingly empty bedroom.

"I hope Meredith's ok." Robbie said as they watched Balki head into the room.

"Me, too, sweetie." Mary Anne added.


	10. Chapter 10: Shot Heard 'Round the World

(AUTHOR'S NOTE: Couple of f-bombs in this chapter)

_Chapter 10: The Shot Heard 'Round the World_

_Castle Mypos: Monarch's bedroom_

"Now where are you hiding, Bartok? So you're hiding from me like a little lily pad-livered coward? I thought the almighty Bartok was all-powerful? SHOW YOURSELF!" Balki looked through the thoroughly trashed bedroom.

"MMMMFFFF!" he heard from under the bed.

He looked over to see a pair of feet under the bed and he pulled them out to reveal a bound and gagged Meredith, and instantly removed the gag from her mouth.

"Mister Bartokomous..." she said.

"Call me Balki..."

"Balki, it's you. You're ok! Oh God, it's a trap, Balki." her eyes widened and then she said,"MOVE! SNIPER RIFLE!"

There was a gunshot that missed him by a mile, then he turned around to see Bartok with a sniper rifle with a laser scope on it.

"You meddling little b..." Bartok started to say.

"BARTOK!" Balki pointed his kuzotski at his neck.

"I bet if an atomic bomb hit this God-forsaken island, only the cockroaches and you would survive."

"It ends here, Bartok. Cypriot and UN forces are outside. The people of the islands are liberated, and they are fighting your troops as we speak. Step down."

Bartok looked at Balki and began laughing psychotically.

"Step down? You don't get it do you, Balki? I OWN this floating dump! When my elite soldiers wipe out these pathetic troops, the WORLD will take notice that I, Bartok Almighty, am the true ruler of these floating piles of sheep sh..."

"WATCH YOUR MOUTH, _stikibabaki_!" Balki pressed the point of the kuzotski to Bartok's throat.

"Oh, that's real mature. You called me a sheep shit-eater." he laughed.

"_Bakastibiki_!" Balki spat in Myposian and Bartok's eyes widened.

"Maybe the little sheep fucker isn't so immature after all, considering you just told me to "go fuck myself"! I'll just have to..." he unsheated his gold kuzotski,"...neuter you..."

"Meredith, go and find Robbie. He's with the _rest_ of the family out there. HURRY!"

With those words, Meredith ran out of the room, and Bartok and Balki stood in front of each other, their kuzotski at the other's throat, and Bartok said,"If it's a fencing duel you want, then I'll be happy to defeat you and gut you like the dog you are."

Immediately, their kuzotskis clashed and Bartok and Balki began their attempts to gain the advantage over the other.

As Meredith ran down the hall, the sounds of clashing steel, punches being landed, and gunfire echoed through the grand halls of Mypos Palace.

"Lord, I hope Balki's gonna be ok." she said, rounding the corner, and then seeing a huge fight going on.

She then noticed a familiar man with light brown hair in a black tee shirt and jeans fighting off a man in a black uniform wielding a bowie knife.

"ROBBIE! she cried out, running down the hall to him.

With one swift jab to the temple, Robbie knocked out the soldier and said,"Meredith?"

She immediately ran into his arms and said,"Oh my God, I'm so glad to see you, Robbie!"

"I'm so glad you're alive, Meredith." he said, embracing her.

"I love you so much, Robespierre Bartokomous."

"I love you, too, Meredith Metaxas." with those words, their lips met in a longing, needy kiss that made them feel as if they'd suffocate without the other.

"Oh God!" Li said, rolling her eyes,"Get a room, you two...Meredith? GUYS, MEREDITH'S BACK AND SHE'S OK!"

The Bartokomouses and Appletons went over to Meredith and Robbie and Tucker said,"Where's Balki?"

"In a duel with Bartok. Let's let the professionals fight this fight." Meredith led the others down to where Balki was in a kuzotski duel with Bartok.

Just as everyone came into Bartok's bedroom, they were met by a flying body, which fell out of the room, it was Bartok.

"How dare you, a pathetic, backwoods little sheep licker, strike me, the closest a human male can be to becoming God!" he yelled as he kipped up and charged at Balki, his kuzotski drawn out.

As Bartok lunged forward to attempt to impale Balki, he caught his blade with his and parried it away.

"I've had enough of your impudent acts toward your obvious superior." Bartok said, dropping his kuzotski and delivering a fierce right hook to Balki's face, knocking him to one knee.

"You know, I've never been one to fight, but you want it, you've got it, Buster Bunny!" Balki retaliated with a right of his own, right into Bartok's ribs.

"Yeah, get him, Dad!" Robbie yelled as the punch made Bartok stumble back slightly, then Balki followed up with a left to Bartok's side, and then a wicked backhand across his face, the sound of the back of Balki's hand striking Bartok's cheek sounding as loud as the gunshots outside.

"Know your place, peasant!" Bartok lifted his knee up, jabbing it into Balki's chest.

"BALKI!" Mary Anne cried out as Balki clutched his chest, attempting to catch his breath, only for Bartok to drive his elbow into Balki's back, between his shoulder blades.

"I'm not gonna let you hurt my dad anymore!" with those words, Robbie charged out to Bartok, with Meredith crying,"NO, GET BACK HERE, ROBBIE!"

Displaying the skill of an MMA fighter, Robbie snatched Bartok by his legs, took him down and began pummeling him with rights and lefts, with Bartok attempting to cover his face.

"Now will you step down, Bartok?" Robbie snapped.

Bartok's response was a quick and dirty thumb to the eye. As Robbie was clutching his eye in pain, Balki returned with a quick flurry of three direct left hooks to Bartok's face, and finishing off with a fourth wicked haymaker to the ribs.

"Enough of this feeble tomfoolery! Maybe someone else would like a go at me?" with those words, he kicked Balki directly between his legs, bringing him down immediately, then following up with the same front kick to Robbie's nether regions.

"And now, maybe I'd like YOU to play, sweet cheeks!" Bartok reached out and grabbed Mary Anne by the wrist, a scream of terror coming from her lips.

"NO! MOM!" Stephanie yelled.

As Tucker and Larry ran to grab Mary Anne from Bartok, he picked his gold kuzotski up again and pressed the blade to her throat.

"One more step and I'll slit her open like a sow at a slaughterhouse!" Bartok's hazel eyes widened with maniacal glee.

Bartok pressed the blade closer to Mary Anne's windpipe, threatening to slice it with the golden kuzotski in his hand.

"Now, airhead, tell your husband you want a real man, an almighty man." he hissed into her ear.

"No! I love Balki! We've been married for 26 years and there's no reason for us to split up, and even if you did succeed in killing him, I'd never marry you!"

Bartok's face was briefly expressionless before he squeezed her tighter and said,"What did you just say? And remember, I won't hesitate to break those bony little arms, sweet cheeks."

Just as Bartok was about to twist her arm to snap it, a large group of soldiers and refugees came pouring in, led by Captain Psomas, Queen Viki, Zoltan, Elena, and Zoltan Jr.

"WE HAVE YOU SURROUNDED, BARTOK!" Captain Psomas yelled, with everyone pointing rifles and kuzotskis at him.

"Hmmmph, shoot me and I'll will slice through this bimbo's windpipe like a piece of salami."Bartok snapped.

Before he took his hand to slice Mary Anne's throat, he felt his leg grabbed and a hard punch to his manhood: Robbie had punched him between his legs.

"AAAAAHHH! NOT AGAIN!" he yelled, his Myposian accent slipping out before he fell to his knees, clutching his stinging testicles in agony.

"Ha! That's what ye get, boy!" Meredith yelled with her southern accent as thick as ever.

Mary Anne slipped from his grip and ran over to Jennifer. He looked over to see that Robbie had been the one to low blow him that time. Just as the soldiers went to apprehend Bartok, he stood up, lifting up the blade to his kuzotski, revealing that his kuzotski hid a handgun in it, and he aimed it at Robbie, laughing hysterically.

"ROBBIE!" Balki yelled, seeing Bartok pull the trigger.

Instantly, Balki pushed Robbie out of the way, only for the bullet from Bartok's kuzotski gun to pierce his chest. He groaned in agony and Mary Anne screamed,"NOOOOOOOO!"

Almost immediately, the soldiers forced the kuzotski gun from Bartok's hand and restrained him.

"It's over, Bartok! Enjoy your time in the International Crimes Court prison in the Hague!" Zoltan said, taking the rest of his weapons from his body and the soldiers led him out of the palace.

Robbie immediately ran over to Balki, who was on his knees, clutching the heavilly bleeding gunshot wound in the right side of his chest.

"Dad, it's over. Bartok's been captured and the islands are liberated! Dad?"

Balki groaned and fell over on the floor on his side, coughing violently and blood coming from his mouth.

"Oh no..." Meredith said, hugging a sobbing Mary Anne.

"Oh no you don't, buddy!" Larry said, kneeling down beside Balki,"We've been through EVERYTHING you could think of, we even witnessed the birth of my son while hanging off of a runaway hot air balloon, we got wired on a Midolcrampabloatalus root, we survived a kuzotski duel with Zoltan, we were even on a game show which I cheated on so I could get Tucker to the University of Wisconsin. You are NOT going to die, Balki!"

"Oh, Cousin, don't worry about me. Is only a flesh wound, see?" he moved his hand away and blood poured from the small bullet hole.

"Ohhhhh..." Larry backed up, trying not to faint.

"Wwwwwooooowwww, that's a lot of blood...ohhhh...so dizzy..." Balki rolled over on his back, his hand slipping weakly from his wound.

"Don't try to get up, Dad, somebody will be here to take you to the hospital...I hope..." Stephanie knelt down on the other side of him.

"Here, I'll try to slow the blood." she pressed her hand on his wound and Balki began coughing again, blood coming from his mouth.

"Oh dear..." Meredith moved over to Balki, then ripped his olive green shirt open, then placed the torn shirt on the wound,"As long as this wound is covered, he won't cough like that and lose more blood. Shhhh...listen..."they could hear air being sucked into the bullet hole in his chest,"...he needs a trauma unit stat."

"No..." Balki's breathing became more labored as it sounded like fluid was building up in his lungs,"I think it's Balki's time to go...I go to Mama and Yaya Biki now..."

"Don't say that, Balki! Please..." Mary Anne started to cry.

"Oh, my precious little spud muffin...please don't be sad...I go to a better place now." his lips began to turn a greyish blue.

"No, Balki, stay with us, buddy!" Larry's voice cracked as he struggled not to cry.

"Cousin...take care...of Mary Anne...and Stephanie and Robbie...for me..." it was getting harder for him to speak.

"Shhhh...save your strength..." Meredith said.

"I wish...I could tell you...more about...M...Mypos...and the...Metaxas...f...fami..ly..."

"WHERE IS THAT MEDICAL UNIT?!" Larry yelled.

"It's ok...Cousin...is time...to...let...go...I...I...love you all..." his hand dropped from his chest and he immediately stopped breathing.

"No! Oh hell no!" Meredith bent over, still holding the torn shirt over his wound, and listened for breathing, but heard nothing.

"Oh God, don't do this, Balki!" she whimpered as she felt for a pulse, but felt nothing.

"No! I refuse to let this happen! Robbie, help me perform CPR on your dad!"

Immediately, Robbie and Meredith begin giving Balki CPR, with Robbie delivering the compressions and Meredith breathing into Balki's mouth. While they continued their attempt to resuscitate him, the medical unit from the Cypriot military came in with advanced life support equipment. One officer placed patches on his bare chest and hooked him up to a heart monitor, and the monitor showed that Balki was in ventricular fibrilation.

"V-fib..." Meredith said to Robbie.

"That means they're gonna used the paddles." he replied.

"Yeah. We better go and calm down everyone."

Meredith and Robbie went over to Larry and Robbie said,"Well, Dad's in V-fib, meaning his heart is just twitching and not pumping blood, so they're gonna shock him with the paddles..."

"CLEAR!" the officer said as they delivered the first shock from the defibrilator paddles to Balki.

The heart monitor didn't respond.

"Oh no, is he going to die?" Mary Anne said.

"I hope not. They're also pumping fluid and meds into his veins and..."

Meredith was cut off by the steady beeping of a heart monitor.

"We have a pulse." the officer said in Greek.

"Well, praise Gaia!" Meredith said, with the others looking at her weirdly.

"She's a Wiccan." Robbie replied.

"Oh! Wiccan!" Larry nodded.

"The officer said that they have a pulse," Meredith then said to the officer in Greek,"Any luck with Balki?"

"His heart rate is increasing and his blood pressure is elevating, but his breathing is greatly impeded. We believe he has hemothorax, so he'll need a chest tube to drain the blood from his lung and surgery to remove the bullet, as it has lodged in his lung as well. We're preparing him for transfer to Athens to a hospital there."

Meredith looked over to see the officers intubating him and using a bag ventilator on him to help him breathe easier while the wound was bound with an airtight cover to keep air from coming out. The officers bound him to a backboard, then carried him out to the ship, which was heading to Athens.

The Bartokomouses and Appletons came out of the room behind the officers and Zoltan walked over to them.

"Oh no, is he all right?" he said worriedly.

"He coded, but they restarted his heart. Bartok shot him. It seemed he hid a handgun in the hilt of his kuzotski."

"Oh, speaking of kuzotskis, I found yours that we made you in a barrel full of kuzotskis." Zoltan handed her dual kuzotskis in their black scabbards.

"That must have been when he disarmed us."

"Where are they taking him?"

"To Athens to get him emergency help. He's got blood in his lung, not to mention a .9mm bullet lodged in there. He's gonna need surgery and a chest tube to drain his chest cavity of stray blood."

"Balki is a true hero and so are his family, yes, even the short lipless one."

"You know, it's taken me ages to see why you call Mr Appleton "lipless", but..." she looked over at Larry,"Yeah, he's lipless, all right."

Meredith and Zoltan laughed, then he said,"Come with us back to Skeptos and we'll fly you over on the military chopper to Eleftherios Venizelos."

"Of course. I'll go get them and we'll head over with you."


	11. Chapter 11: Everything Will Be Ok

_Chapter 11: Everything Will Be Ok_

_Laiko General Hospital: Athens, Greece_

It had been 3 hours since Balki had been taken back to surgery, and everyone seemed to worry about his prognosis. Larry, Jennifer, Mary Anne, Robbie, Tucker, Stephanie, Li, Meredith, Zoltan, Zoltan Jr, Elena, Queen Viki, Sergeant Tzimiskos, and Captain Psomas waited in the surgery waiting room as the time passed.

"Oh, I hope Balki's ok!" the queen said, pacing nervously.

"Your Majesty, Balki is the bravest man I know, he will come through this easily." Zoltan replied.

"Oh, I hope so, Zoltan. When I am back in my palace, I will throw a big celebration in his honor, I'll name that day "Balki Bartokomous Day", in honor of he and his family, who has saved us all from Bartok Almighty and his sociopathic reign of terror."

"Bartok isn't so "almighty" after all. In the end, he's just Bartok Bartokomous, a traitor to his family, a sociopathic murderer, and a wannabe dictator. By now, the UN and Interpol has sent him and his surviving minions to the Hague to start their trial."

A doctor came out of the operating room area and said,"Mrs Bartokomous?"

Mary Anne stood up and said,"Yes, that's me. How's Balki?"

"The surgery was a success, with the bullet removed and his lung repaired. His chest cavity is still being drained of the blood that leaked into the space where his lung was normally inflated, but had shrunk down from the bullet. The shock of blood loss and diminished oxygen led to his brief ventricular fibrilation episode."

"So is he going to live, doctor?"

"I believe so. He woke up quickly from the anesthesia and immediately asked for a Mary Anne, a Cousin Larry, his son, and a Meredith Metaxas."

"Oh thank you thank you thank you THANK YOU!" Mary Anne hugged the doctor and went down the hall to Balki's room.

When Mary Anne walked in, she saw Balki sitting up with a tube coming from the right side of his chest with blood draining into it, a nasal cannula was in his nose for oxygen, the IV in his left arm was pumping medication, fluid, and blood into his veins, and his chest was bare and bandaged.

"Oh, Balki!" she cried and walked over to him.

"Mary Anne. Where Cousin Larry at? And Robespierre and Meredith?"

"They're on their way, honey. I ran ahead of them so I can see my sweet little boochi." she kissed his forehead.

"What happen to Bartok?"

"Zoltan said that the UN and Interpol took him to the Hague for his trial with International Crimes Court."

"Any refugees die?"

"A couple, as they fought bravely against Bartok's soldiers."

Larry walked into the room and said,"Balki, you scared us for a little bit. We thought you were going to die."

"Of course not, don't be ridiculous! It take more than a 9 mealworm meter bullet to kill Balki." Balki said with a smile.

"Are you hurting, Dad?" Robbie asked him.

"No, they give me pain medication along with saltine and blood, because I lose a lot of blood from the bullet hole."

"I think Balki means "saline and blood"." Meredith said with a laugh,"We were so worried you were going to die, Balki, but when that heart monitor started beeping again, I knew you'd be ok."

"No, I'm not letting Bartok have that satisfaction of killing me. I'm just glad he didn't hurt my little lamb kebab."

"Oh Balki..." Mary Anne kissed Balki, then when their lips parted, he then said,"If only I was able to do the Dance of Joy right now..."

"You mean THIS?!" Meredith and Robbie danced the famous Myposian Dance of Joy and Balki then said,"Ah, that's my boy!"


	12. Chapter 12: Home Again

_Chapter 12: Home Again_

_Eleftherios Venizelos: Athens Greece_

_May 23, 2019_

The Bartokomouses and Appletons waited for their flight to start boarding and Zoltan, Zoltan Jr, Elena, Stefano, and Queen Viki came to see them off.

"This had to be the most memorable reunion and Jamboriki ever!" Robbie said,"This time, everyone on the islands celebrated with us."

"And they made May 1st "Balki Bartokomous Day", too." Mary Anne added.

"I'll show you the statue of Balki when the sculptor finishes it. It will be made of the finest gold and placed in Balki's village in honor of him and the Bartokomous and Appleton families and the liberation of the islands." Queen Viki said, hugging Balki.

"I'm so glad I got to see everyone again. I hope you and Aunt Elena come to Chicago to see me, Uncle Zoltan." Meredith said, hugging Zoltan.

"Oh, we will. Maybe Balki and I can have one more kuzotski duel, for old times sake." he said, laughing,"And don't worry about the whole thing with American security and the kuzotskis I gave you. I'll send them to you by FedEx."

"Thank you, Uncle Zoltan. And Junior, keep off the women and ouzo."

Zoltan Jr laughed and said,"Sure, whatever, Meredith."

"Well, it's almost time to board. Don't be a stranger." Larry said, shaking Zoltan's, Stefano's, and Zoltan Jr's hand, then bowed to the queen and headed into the terminal to enter the plane to Chicago.

"Have a safe flight, little babiki." Zoltan said to Meredith as they headed down the corridor to the gate.

_Chicago, Illinois: later that evening..._

Larry put the key in the lock and everyone came in.

"Man, is it good to be home." he said, placing all the luggage in the house.

"It sure is, Larry,"Jennifer said, kissing him.

"Is good to know that Mypos is back in its rightful hands and the queen is back on her throne." Balki said, bringing his and Mary Anne's bags in.

"That was really fun. I hope we can go again...I mean the party afterwards, not the coup." Li said as she and Stephanie sat their bags down.

"They say next year, the Jamboriki will be here in Chicago, so that means the smell of bibibabkas and ding-ding-machmud will be everywhere."

"I can't wait. Maybe I'll be married to Meredith by then." Robbie said with a smile.

"Maybe you will. Who knows, Boinki." Stephanie laughed.

"Stephanie! You know I hate being called Boinki!" Robbie looked irritated at his little sister.

"Speaking of Meredith, where she go?" Balki asked Robbie.

"She had to head to New York for a trip to the UN. She's resigning as US Ambassador to Mypos." he replied.

"But why? She loves Mypos?"

"She said she'd have to move there and wanted to be here in Chicago with me."

"I see. She choose you over being a duplo-mat."

"Dad! A "diplomat"!" Robbie laughed.

"Oh look, someone's moving across the road." Mary Anne pointed out and Balki looked out the window.

"Oh God!" he cried out.

"Who is it?" his wife asked cluelessly.

"The woman and her little boy from the plane!" Balki facepalmed.

"Oh, for the love of..." Robbie was cut off by his cousin and his best friend yelling in unison."OH MY LORD!"

END


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